Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
