Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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