he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
