I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
