It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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