do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
