DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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