Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
