My nipple is on Facebook.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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