If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
