I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I need a burrito and a hug.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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