I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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