Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want nice things and good sex
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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