bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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