When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
