How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
