I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ttyl tear gas
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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