He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
