My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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