Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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