I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
