The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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