we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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