We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
