Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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