we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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