laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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