so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
