I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
