it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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