fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
