A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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