apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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