New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
