She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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