they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
