There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
