We're facebook friends in real life
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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