So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
