Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
