people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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