Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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