it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
