oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
