I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
