I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In America we eat man semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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