Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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