i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
