I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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