On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
