You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
