Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
