Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
