oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
