Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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