so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize