I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
