I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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