she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
