Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
