I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
