he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
