Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
