Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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