Already got asked if we're dating
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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