Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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