I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
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hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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